How to Free Yourself from Self-Doubt
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Break free from the chains of self-doubt. Gain insight into what triggers doubt in you, and strategies to effectively deal with those triggers. Learn to shift away from doubt and into reality to flow more freely in your life.
Imposter Syndrome and Leadership
It is not unusual to have doubts about ourselves; we all do at times. But too much doubt can impair our ability to function well and even go as far as causing us to feel like a full-fledged imposter. It’s a nasty pattern that messes with our heads, creativity, and relationships.
One way this can happen is when we attain a level of recognition that we aren’t convinced we’re worthy of. The pressure and tension of all the self-doubt and trying to live up to a certain standard can impair our ability to function well. And if the seeds are there, reinforce our belief or fear that we may be an imposter.
So how do we free ourselves from this so we can flow and function optimally?
The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Self-Doubt
Through life’s trials and tribulations, most of us become, to some degree, unconvinced of our worth. This happens in almost every childhood, during which there is ample opportunity to find ourselves in situations that can negatively influence how we see ourselves.
Many people I’ve worked with could recall numerous childhood moments where they successfully completed tasks but were told that what they had done was not good enough.
Some could recall achieving something yet getting no recognition at all from their parents or teachers. Most recall being criticized and feeling diminished when they didn’t get things right.
And almost all of them voiced how these lasting impressions left traces of lingering doubt about their capacities.
The Hidden Program of Self-Doubt in our Consciousness
With enough time and repetition, even the strongest amongst us can begin to take these unskillfully delivered messages personally and form a belief that we may not be as effective as we think we are.
This can linger as a stealth program in our consciousness, loitering in the back of our minds, waiting for just the wrong opportunity to spring forth, usually when something big is on the line.
Ultimately, all that we’ve created in our lives is a testament to our talent, strength and resilience. But the influence of those early years remains and can get in the way of functioning at our best. So it’s important for us to address ways we can free ourselves from being owned and operated by the varying degrees of self-doubt.
The Power of Self-Awareness in Overcoming Self-Doubt
Conscious living always starts with awareness. In this case, willing self-awareness.
The first thing that’s required is to marshal the courage to acknowledge that at times we do, in fact, experience self-doubt. And at times, for some of us, that may even extend all the way to feeling somewhat like an imposter.
Many of us don’t want to admit to having any vulnerability like this. If it doesn’t feel safe that tells us that fear is alive in us. Not fear that a large predator is chasing us, but mind-made fear based on our wounded history.
Some of us may fear that if they see us in doubt or not knowing everything, that people won’t respect us or that they’ll use it against us. The irony in this is that when we don’t even admit this to ourselves, we really ARE being imposters because we’re pretending to be someone we are not — and worse — we’re doing this to ourselves.
Surveying your Inner Landscape: Identifying Triggers
Survey your inner landscape to assess the degree to which you’re impacted by self-doubt; and more importantly, consider the types of situations that trigger you.
When I’m coaching people I often ask them to look at “what energy they’re operating from” when they get triggered. If we’re reacting emotionally, we’re often operating from fear — a powerful energy.
For example, if your partner questions whether you’re certain about what you’ve just said, if you get triggered and react defensively, it’s likely borne out of fear. It sucks the life out of the room and everyone feels the drain.
Increasing Awareness for Better Response to Triggers
When we significantly raise our awareness, we can begin to see what’s really going on in those triggered moments.
“Ah, they’re asking a question. I don’t need to fall into fear and doubting myself about this. How about I just take a second and check whether I truly AM clear about what I said.”
Aware, we might even realize that our partners might have asked the question because of their own fear about the situation. This opens the door to thoughtful conversation and relationship building, versus hitting them on the head with a loud, “Damn it, YES I’m sure! WTH!!!”
How to Transform Self-Doubt: Techniques and Tools
Doubt is a mind-made pattern we typically adopt at a young age to survive or protect ourselves. When triggering situations occur, self-protective doubt leaps forward as a function of our brains on automatic.
The key here is that the self-doubt is a reaction to a thought that reminds us of old unhealed pain. It stimulates more negative thinking and emotional reactivity.
The good news is that we’re not stuck with it — well, unless after reading this you never do anything about it. But self-doubt can be transformed. Here are just a few of the many techniques available that can help.
Neuroplasticity: Rewiring Brain Patterns
Fortunately, a lot of research over decades has demonstrated that our brains have sufficient neuroplasticity to allow for patterns like this to change. Techniques exist to rewire patterns and I find that those who work with rewiring in a committed way experience significant shifts.
The Work of Byron Katie: Effective Self-Inquiry
Seeing through the illusion of our thinking is another great way to free oneself of these types of triggers. Our interpretations of what’s going on are usually colored by our history and our wounds. That overlays a bunch of “crud” on top of what’s actually going on.
The Work of Byron Katie is a very effective technique that can assist us in living more in what’s really happening rather than in our interpretations of what’s taking place. It’s easy to find online but best when you have someone to guide you in where it’s most useful and appropriate.
Applying Compassion and Acceptance
Hey, no matter how evolved one becomes, there will always be a situation that can find some old unhealed pain and trigger us. For those moments, the process that Mary O’Malley developed is very helpful. The focus is on fully allowing our experiences rather than tightening up and locking those feelings away.
Feelings are information. Ignoring or denying them keeps us uninformed, and at times, blind to things that are essential for us to be aware of. Her questions:
- In this moment, what am I experiencing?
- For this moment, can I just allow this to be?
- In this moment, can I touch this with compassion?
- In this moment, what’s truly needed?
Feel, Then Release...and Save Your Job!
The Sedona Method is a process that facilitates accessing our natural ability to let go of uncomfortable or unwanted emotions on the spot. In the heat of the moment, this can come in handy, right before you reactively tell your partner what you really “think”.
Stare Down the Doubt
My dear wizened friend, Inula Martinkat, often said, “Why does everyone stay so wrapped up in their doubting minds? Why doesn’t anyone ever doubt the doubt?”
Simple, obvious, true.
Freedom from Doubt Improves Every Area of Your Life
Our patterns are rarely exclusive to just one area of our lives, so addressing self-doubt will most definitely convey benefit to all areas of our lives. Of this, I have no doubt!
Would you like to be more present, feel more alive and connected, with a greater sense of inner peace?
It's my mission to support people in living and leading with greater ease, wisdom, and inner peace. To feel more deeply connected with those around them.
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