Transforming Resistance to Empower Conscious Living
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Transform your life by eliminating self-induced pressure. Learn how to better flow, free yourself of paralyzing resistance, handle challenges more easily by accepting reality. Be able to gracefully respond to whatever arises
The Self-Inflicted Pressure of Resistance
We’ve all been there—up in the middle of the night with some anxiety and too much tension about what’s going on in our lives. As those endeavoring to live more consciously, we need to navigate unexpected challenges. And for the most part, we’re quite capable of addressing whatever comes up.
But some of the time, we get internally triggered by situations, which adds pressure to our lives and diminishes the quality of our communication and decision-making.
The worst type of pressure we usually feel is the pressure we put on ourselves. Let’s look at how we do this and how we can free ourselves from this time and energy wasting burden.
One source of this pressure comes from not wanting our circumstances to be as they are. (Resistance). The more we internally resist something, the greater the pressure. As pressure builds, the more likely we are to become reactive, think less clearly, and stray from clear, open-hearted communication and wise decision-making… all of which result in even more pressure.
Understanding 'Resistance to What Is'
Psychologically speaking, “resistance to What Is” is the experience of getting mentally and emotionally fixated about something we don’t want or can’t accept.
When we go into resistance, we take a stance of being “against” the existence of something.
Resistance to any aspect of what we’re experiencing builds tension in the body, co-opts our attention and focus, and reduces our capacity to be clear-headed — all of which can cause us to react in ways that aren’t in anyone’s best interest.
But we don't have to shoot ourselves in the foot, because with every misstep comes with an opportunity for greater pressure.
The Ramifications of Resistance
Here’s an example. We’re preparing a meal for a group of new friends. It’s the first time they’re coming over to the house and we want it to be special.
Things are on track but then in the morning we accidentally spill cranberry juice on the beige carpeting — right in the middle of the living room.
We exclaim, “No!” or “Argghhh!”, a clear signal that we’ve gone into resistance, of wanting things to be different than they are. And what drives the “No!” is usually some attachment to an outcome —something we really want.
The Thought Patterns Behind Resistance
If we slow life down, we would be able to see that prior to going into resistance, there is typically a series of thoughts that fly by so quickly we don’t notice them. These thoughts generate the resistance.
Thoughts like, “Everyone is going to see that huge red blotch… I wanted to make such a good impression on them… They’re going to think I’m ridiculous leaving a big red spot… They’re not going to want to be associated with me… I’ll be so embarrassed when everyone hears about this…”.
Now…this is a silly example but have we not all had some experience like this? Caring about what others think? That’s a form of attachment. And in this case, the cranberry spill is in the way of getting our need to be seen in a certain way and have connection. Thus, resistance.
The longer we allow those types of thoughts to loop, the more the pressure will build within us. And all of that pressure will cloud our judgement, cause us to be more reactive, and as a result, likely create additional problems we’ll have to deal with.
There will always be external pressures in life. But when we free ourselves from the added pressure that being in resistance brings, we have a far greater capacity to function effectively.
Moving from Resistance to Acceptance: The Power of 'Yes!'
Instead of reacting against and saying “No!” to What Is, we can say “Yes”. Within ourselves, we’ll absolutely accept what is taking place. Body and mind will stay calm and clear, able to respond unimpaired.
Looking back at the example of when we spilled the cranberry juice, instead of reactively getting caught in a web of thinking about how bad this situation is, we would fully accept what was happening.
All of our energy would stay available to assess and put into action the best possible solutions to the challenge — allowing us to be responsive as opposed to reactively impaired.
Saying “Yes!” is an empowered, empowering process through which we can realize that our situation has taken a different shape than we anticipated. It’s simply our next opportunity to find the wisdom of how to respond.
We’ll do it perfectly, right?
Maybe in a parallel universe. Here, we’re all going to find ourselves in resistance from time to time. At some point, the discomfort will be strong enough to cause us to notice it.
The moment we become aware we’re in resistance is simply our next opportunity to accept that part of What Is to which we went into resistance. It’s not a big deal. We see it, shift, and can begin to respond to whatever requires our attention.
Real World Practice – Releasing Pressure by Giving Up Resistance
Think of a time in your life when you felt pressure build up in you after going into resistance about something that was going on. It could be the loss of a friend or possession; failure of a project you were working on; bad financial news; seeing someone else succeed when you were struggling; or any one of a thousand challenges in a relationship or with your children, etc.
Can you remember the feeling of being in resistance — that sense of “No!” arising in you?
Can you recall any choices or actions where the pressure caused you to reactively communicate or in act in a way that added even more pressure?
What would that experience have been like without all that pressure generated by resistance? Let’s have you go back to the situation you just recalled, but this time we’ll have you envision saying, “Yes!” to the situation, and free of the resistance and pressure, be far better able to respond.
Bring your awareness back in time to just before the beginning of that situation. This time, when you first learn of what’s happening, imagine yourself being a conscious being who can absolutely accept that it is occurring.
Imagine what it would feel like to say from a neutral place, “Yes, this is happening.” You don’t have to like it, but because you’re someone who prefers to live in reality instead of the resistant mind’s chaos, you fully accept that it is taking place.
Can you feel the power in that? The calm in your body and mind?
Can you sense how much clearer your mind is when you’re not railing against the situation, leaving you free to capably deal with the situation?
Can you see how much more of a sane and high functioning place this is from which to live?
Transforming Our Lives by Letting Go of Resistance
The gift we provide ourselves when we drop resistance and free ourselves of adding pressure to a challenging situation is that we begin to function better across all of our challenging situations.
We’re all ready to make this shift. It requires our attention, awareness, and a commitment to living consciously. And each and every one of us can do this here and now, in this universe.
Would you like to be more present, feel more alive and connected, with a greater sense of inner peace?
It's my mission to support people in living and leading with greater ease, wisdom, and inner peace. To feel more deeply connected with those around them.
If you'd like to tap into your deeper insight and practical wisdom to live and lead more consciously, feel free to reach out at bodhi@bodhijeffreys.com to set up a time to connect.
To see what others have to say about the work we do together, please check out the testimonials here. I look forward to connecting.
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