How to Clear Your Mind to Live Wisely
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Save time, energy, reduce stress and improve relationships by reframing your perceptions. Learn to navigate through your mental conditioning using Byron Katie's transformative method for seeing clearly and living in reality.
The Impact of Conditioning on Our Perceptions
Lessons learned early in life lead most of us to equate our talents and accomplishments with how “good” we are — a measure of our personal value. This gets reinforced over time with every compliment and critique.
Almost every one of us spends most of our time seeing the world through the lens of our conditioning --- our interpretations of what's going on in our lives rather than the actual truth of what's going on.
This distorted view leads to a lot of unnecessary emotional reactions, poor communication, and flaws in decision-making logic --- because we're not dealing with reality.
How Our Personal History and Upbringing Influence Our Views
Our perceptions are filtered through the lens of our personal history and upbringing, our culture and society, our unhealed wounds and more.
For example, a self-assured person will likely interpret an encounter with an aggressive friend differently than a someone who was abused growing up and hasn't healed that wound.
Their different histories and experiences color their view of and their reactions toward the aggressive friend.
Thus, it's incumbent upon us to uplevel our self-awareness so that we are free to live consciously.
The Work of Byron Katie: A Path to Unbiased Interpretations
Spiritual teacher, Byron Katie developed a simple yet very effective technique that helps free us to perceive and live more from what's really going on as opposed to our distorted interpretations of what's taking place.
Katie's process is simple and powerful. A series of 4 questions followed by what she refers to as a turnaround.
You start with choosing a thought, belief, or judgement you hold that's been bringing you tension or has you upset. Then you walk through the questions:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it's true?
- How do you react when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought?
An Example of When to Utilize "The Work"
Let's use this example in which my client Michael shared his strategy for business expansion with me.
Upon reviewing it, I asked several questions intended to support him in assessing if the strategy he developed is fully optimized.
Michael got upset and clearly felt defensive. The belief that arose in him that we'll use to walk through this process is: "Bodhi shouldn't have questioned my strategy."
If he got defensive with me, a consistent advocate for him, what was he doing in his business? Or with his board of directors? For conscious leaders, it's imperative to embrace feedback.
Let's walk through Byron Katie's process, addressing Michael's belief. (I'm writing this in 3rd person as it seems clearer.
Applying Byron Katie's Process: A Walkthrough with Michael
1. Is it true?
The first question to ask is: Is it true? Meaning, is it true that Bodhi shouldn't have questioned your strategy?
And Michael said, "YES damn it! Bodhi's doubting me. He's supposed to be supportive of me!"
Okay, then we move to question 2.
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Can you absolutely know that it true that Bodhi shouldn't have questioned your strategy? This question confronts whether or not what we're believing is really true.
Michael said, "Well, can I absolutely know it's true that he shouldn't have questioned my strategy? I mean, he's smart and usually has a lot of good insights. And he's pretty much always supportive of me. Maybe he's seeing something he thinks I should see. Okay, I guess no, I can't absolutely know that he shouldn't have questioned my strategy."
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
How do you react when you think or believe that thought that Bodhi shouldn't question your strategy?
And Michael said, "Yeah...I go into my old pattern of feeling defensive, and worse, I put up a wall between myself and Bodhi, who I'm paying to give me that kind of feedback.
"I stop listening and my head just keeps cycling thoughts about how it sucks that he doesn't believe in me."
Okay, now with he's seeing that, on to Question 4:
4. Who would you be without that thought?
Who would you be without that thought --- that Bodhi shouldn't question your strategy?
Michael says, "I get it. I'd actually want to know what he's seeing. I mean if his input can help improve my strategy, I want to hear that!"
5. The Turnaround
And finally, you do "the turnaround" — which is essentially coming up with a few thoughts that could be as true or more true than the original thought that Bodhi shouldn't question your strategy?
Examples could be:
"Bodhi should question my strategy" or "I'm paying Bodhi to coach and mentor me, so I sure hope he'll question my strategy" or “I should question my strategy”.
Reduces Stress and Saves Relationships
So that's the process. Simple questions designed to pop us right back into reality.
No need for emotional processing — just zip right back to having a clear view of what's real and important to see. This saves time, energy, reduces stress, saves and improves relationships. It's a great process.
Here’s a link to Byron Katie's site where you can learn more about her process, watch videos of her in action, and download a worksheet to use to flush out your troublesome thoughts so you can live consciously with clarity.
Would you like to be more present, feel more alive and connected, with a greater sense of inner peace?
It's my mission to support people in living and leading with greater ease, wisdom, and inner peace. To feel more deeply connected with those around them.
If you'd like to tap into your deeper insight and practical wisdom to live and lead more consciously, feel free to reach out at bodhi@bodhijeffreys.com to set up a time to connect.
To see what others have to say about the work we do together, please check out the testimonials here. I look forward to connecting.
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